Flowing Through Time: The Hilarious History of Menstrual Myths and Practices

Growing up in the '80s and '90s, navigating the world of menstruation was like tiptoeing through a bizarre labyrinth of secrecy and superstitions. Back then, the education around periods wasn't so much about understanding this entirely natural occurrence as it was about concealing it from the world and internalizing a sense of impurity for five days. The rituals around purification at the end of those five days felt more like a mystical quest than a biological process.

While my family leaned towards a more liberal approach, some of the habits ingrained during those formative years still linger, resistant to change. Looking back, I can't help but recall the horror stories of friends and acquaintances who weren't as fortunate – girls prohibited from sitting on regular furniture, forbidden from entering the kitchen and relegated to designated utensils. They were even restricted from accessing certain parts of their own homes.

These stories might sound like relics of the past, but the truth is that many of these period practices continue to thrive in various parts of the world. So, as we explore the amusing and sometimes baffling world of menstrual customs, let's not just have a laugh, but also shed light on the persistent and often absurd, beliefs that continue to shape the experiences of women worldwide. After all, the "monthly chums" have come a long way, but there's still much to learn and unlearn about Aunt Flo, the Crimson Tide, or whatever you choose to call it.

1. Ancient Egyptians believed that women would sit on papyrus leaves to ease menstrual discomfort. Imagine this in the modern world, where Spirit Eco Health would be selling papyrus chairs in its period pain collection. We'd have a booming papyrus chair industry today, with influencers talking about which is the best chair to ease period pain.
2. Ancient Greeks thought that menstrual blood could be used as a powerful love potion. Imagine people selling and buying magical love remedies made from menstrual blood. Move Tinder, we have menstrual love potion….talk about "love at first flow."  Hallmark would have a whole new line of cards on Valentines!
3. In some coastal communities, it's believed that women on their periods should avoid swimming in the ocean, as they might attract sharks. If this were true, we'd have an entirely new twist on reality TV – Shark Week featuring a "Shark Tank."
4. In ancient China, women believed that menstrual blood possessed mystical powers. Some would mix their menstrual blood with paint and use it to create artwork or decorate their homes. I'm surprised that there are no museums with a wing dedicated to period art!
5. In parts of India, there's a belief that women shouldn't pickle vegetables or touch pickles during their periods. It's thought that the pickle would spoil if made or touched by a menstruating woman. Imagine recruiting for a Pickle factory, hard labour in adjusting female employee's shifts around their cycles. And what if everyone's cycle coincides (which it does mostly), no pickle supply this month….sorry customers.
6. In some cultures, women on their periods were thought to have special powers, such as the ability to predict the future or communicate with spirits. Soon to launch Marvel Menstruating Super Hero!
7. In Italy, there's a humorous superstition that suggests a pizza won't rise if a menstruating woman makes the dough. If this were true, pizzerias would need a strict "no menstruation allowed" policy, and we'd all be craving flatbreads instead. On second thought, I like this tradition, if it can be brought back, I personally don’t like cooking.
8. In certain vampire folklore, menstrual blood was believed to be a powerful elixir that vampires would seek out. Imagine a world where vampires were less interested in necks and more in menstrual hygiene products – "Twilight: The Tampon Chronicles."
9. In Nepal, there's a tradition called "chaupadi" where women are banished to small huts during their periods. They become untouchable and are given special food, not attended to, even for medical needs. On a much-deserved serious note, it's a reminder of how cultural beliefs can sometimes lead to odd cruel practices.
10. The modern world is not devoid of weird misconceptions. There are many myths in spite of all the education, scientific research and evidence around periods. There is this Tampon Myth, a persistent urban legend that says if you flush a tampon down the toilet, it will turn into a sea monster. If that were true, plumbing would be a lot more exciting! If tampons did indeed turn into sea monsters, beachgoers would have quite the surprise when they went for a swim. "Honey, why is that tampon chasing us?". Another interesting is The Bear Magnet - Some people still believe that having your period attracts bears. Imagine a world where camping becomes a high-stakes adventure in menstruation! We'd need an entire industry dedicated to creating period-proof camping gear. "Babe, did we pack the bear repellent along with insect repellant, we have 3 girls camping with us".

The history of menstrual beliefs and practices is a fascinating mix of fact and fiction, often sprinkled with humour and superstition. While many of these practices seem bizarre and laughable today, they reflect the complex relationship societies have had with menstruation throughout history. These period practices from history and myths may make us chuckle but it's important to remember that these beliefs often stemmed from a lack of understanding about menstruation. Fortunately, modern times have brought us a better understanding of periods and a more enlightened approach to menstrual health and hygiene and thankfully, we've come a long way in breaking down taboos and promoting menstrual health education.  So, the next time you hear a quirky period myth or practice, take it with a grain of salt and maybe even share a laugh – but also use it as a reminder of how far we've come in embracing and understanding this natural part of life. After all, humour can be a great way to break down barriers and bring about positive change!